To baby or not to baby...

I am feeling very emotionally exposed as I post this...I am going to say everything you aren't supposed to when it comes to whether or not you are ready to have a baby.

This is a post that I have been wanting to do for sometime now in response to a lot of questions and comments we have received about this particular topic over the last (almost) 3 years of marriage.


Many of you already know, this is a very sensitive topic for me. That is why I have such a hard time responding to your questions when you ask me, "So when are you and Michael gonna have a baby?" It's not a simple answer, so I have concocted a complex, detailed answer here so that I may begin referring people to if those questions don't stop. Maybe business cards with the blog website...hmm. ;-D

For the record (before any misunderstandings and/or hurt feelings begin), I could not be happier for those of you who are enjoying your roles of parenthood or about to become parents for the first time. I am proud to know so many wonderful parents who are sometimes exhausted, are great role models, and love their children. I am truly thrilled for those of you who are expecting and can't wait to see all of the squishy family pictures of the baby when it arrives and the years of family pics and status updates regarding your little families! I am honestly very happy for each and every one of you!


As many of you point out on a regular basis, Michael and I do not have children. I know, I know...shocker! Any kids we hang out/play with are not ours. They are someone else's and we give them back as soon as they are tired of our weirdness.

Before I start breaking it down all serious-style, I also want to extend a BIG, sincere "Thank You!" to those who always comment on the fact that you think Michael and I would make wonderful parents. This really means a lot to both of us, especially since several you who have made those comments are already parents. We really appreciate your kind words.

DISCLAIMER:
There is no need for me to explain our beliefs on parenthood to the rest of the world (and trust me, that's a whole other blog) or justify to anyone why we aren't parents yet. This is just me sorting out how I really feel about it since I am always caught off guard when anyone asks me in person.

**THE LIST**

•  I am terrified.
• I am afraid of a lot of things about becoming a parent: financial aspect, responsibility of an actual human being, choosing the right equipment/discipline/bonding methods/schools/name/everything else for raising our child, cleaning up poop, vomit, blood, and boogers, changing our already hectic schedules which believe it or not- we actually like!, remodeling certain places in our new home, etc. I am also afraid of the longlasting effects on my physical body since I will be the child bearer (see 3rd main bullet point).
• Another fear- what if I am good with everyone else's children but not my own. That would be awful. Talk about feeling like a failure...ugh.
• As an aside, I am not so sure Michael would agree with me about being terrified. As always, he is up for just about anything. 
• So many things about our lives are great right now and we are finally getting to used to the way thing are...why change it?
• We just bought our first home a little over a year ago, we both have jobs that pay us enough to allow us to pay our bills and have some fun, our marriage is stronger than ever, we get to sleep at night and eat when we want...what could change all of that? Having a baby.  
• Physical effects to Andrea
•  I just had knee surgery in June and am just now starting to walk like a normal Homo Sapien again. I have bad knees, this is no secret, always have and always will. According to the orthopedic doctor, I may have to have a total knee replacement if I am not careful with my weight.
• My mother had a hysterectomy in her 30s. Some complications will be statistically more likely now that I am in this age range. But also, women are having babies in their 50s these days...so I really don't think age is a factor for us.
• This is going to sound selfish, but I am already extremely self-conscious and hard on myself about my looks. Having a baby and all of the aftermath on my body may make that worse, if that's even possible. 
• We still have pre-baby goals.
• Paying off debt on the new gear for our awesome house, FINALLY taking our trip to Italy for our belated honeymoon (we didn't have a honeymoon...we moved to Florida instead), I want to explore this music business venture I currently have going, and both of us getting into better shape so we can keep up with this child when we have it!!
• What if we can't have children?
• Being a woman who is now in her early 30s, I have to consider that this is a possibility. Michael, as always, is super supportive and says we can always adopt or foster children but I know there is nothing like having one of your own and I want to be able to give that to Michael. He will be an amazing father someday...no matter how we have our child.
• Our future child is not a trophy to us, but a person we want to love.
• Okay, don't get mad. You have seen those people on Facebook or on TV who use their children as trophies, as if they are light years ahead of the rest of the world in the field of reproduction. Just because you can conceive a child does not make you a good parent. We want to be good parents, the best. Because since we are planning when we have our child, shouldn't that child get the best parents possible (next topic)?
• We want to be completely ready.
• I know what you are thinking, especially if you are already a parent, "no one is ever completely ready." You may be right. But Michael and I feel we owe it to our future child to be as equipped and ready as possible so that we can be the best parents we can be someday.
• Marriage has been such an exploration. I already knew Michael so well, but I have learned SO MUCH more about him since we have been married. We continue daily to work on our communication and marriage so that we can better understand each other and be better, more consistent parents someday.
• The question you are already thinking, "What if you are never ready?" Well, if that is what happens, then it's our choice. And several of you couldn't say you didn't warn us about time ticking away for this decision.
• We make our own rules.
• Let's face it. Nothing about my dating relationship or marriage to Michael has been "by the rules." We have done a lot of things other couples probably shudder at the thought of (shame on you, perverts). We were not afraid to put our hearts on the line and make decisions that made us happy, no matter what anyone else thought. And look where it got us....HAPPINESS!
• For example- our wedding day: we did not have a bridal party, toss the bouquet, cut the cake, or serve a lovely, catered dinner at our wedding. We had a Mexican burrito bar and Fiesta decorated cupcakes at our wedding presided by two pastors. It was just us in front of God and everyone we loved during a University of Tennessee football game with fireworks exploding as a touchdown was scored while we read our handwritten vows to each other under a rainbow at sunset...It was an event that was just like us, different, unique. And someday, we will have a child that it is just as special.

Trust me, when we are ready you will all be made very aware. Especially since we plan to have you all come over a babysit! :-D

Bottom line: It's our decision.